I found Carlo’s diary. Or he left it on purpose on the divan. Which is suspicious of sorts. He is going on a long vacation which gives me ample time to peruse at will the secret midnight notes as he calls his writing.
I was tempted to send it to him but he left in such an inconspicuous place that I could just ignore it and leave it there to gather dust at will. Which I didn’t, off course. darn curiosity. I was careful to lift the volume so as not to leave traces of being it lifted. White gloves and that.
I opened it but much to my surprise it was written mostly in Swedish. So I had a friend translate it. I got it back and here is what he wrote, mind you, what you are about to read needs to remain professional & confidential.
March 2011. Why am I obsessed with her? what has struck me? what the fuck is this? *fuck in Swedish is not a swear word
April 2012. I am possessed emotionally by her. Does she know this? My mind plays tricks on me. I think she is aware of my feelings for her.
December 2012. I want to send her flowers. She is married. I barely say hi. I think she senses I avoid her. My mind is surely playing tricks on me. What am I to trust?
January 2013. When did I start feeling this way towards her? All these months & days are driving me crazy. What if she finds out about me? What if she files sexual harassment charges? Wait. I don’t think of her sexually yet.
January 2013. Do I even think of her in sexual terms? Why do I feel her in my veins? Why has she penetrated me so deep? Argh. Why do I have to be so insecure at this age in my life? Why? *recalls Frankensteins wailing in Van Helsing for no reason seemingly.
January 2013. What kind of flowers would she even like? How would I disguise it’s not me. Argh. What if I regret this, not saying a word, what if she is the one?
March 2013. It’s her -. I saw her. I said. I could wack my brain for you. Everything was right. Yet so wrong.
Those last letters left me astounded.